@mdob11: My cat just winked at me and now it's awkward because I only see her as a friend.
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@awkwardphilippe: If you love someone, throw your earbuds at them. There's a good chance they'll be entangled in them and won't be able to run.
@TheAlexNevil: Be a good dad When your son wants to play catch, do it When he needs a hug, give one When he wants to play drums, tell him his mom said no
@Brampersandon_: PAPA JOHNS EMPLOYEE: what can I get you ME: I'll take a large *forgetting the word pizza* cheese frisbee