@mdob11: My cat just winked at me and now it's awkward because I only see her as a friend.
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@Storminika: I hate it when guys use pickup lines like, 'Hey, what's your friend's name?' on me. Worst pickup line ever.
@HiddenPinky: [Home after awful day at work, my dog greets me] Me: At least somebody's happy to see me! Dog: *shakes head, pulls banana from pocket*
@orange_rhymer: Me: I invited Todd over for dinner. Wife: Uncle Todd or Todd who takes things literally? *Todd exits out the back door with our television*
@Tbone7219: On tonight's episode of Catfish, Cathy finds out she’s been in an online relationship with a pineapple.