@mdob11: My cat just winked at me and now it's awkward because I only see her as a friend.
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@lasergirl70: Wearing a pretty new bra today that nobody else is gonna see, so everytime I go to the bathroom, I flash myself in the mirror.
@DurtMcHurtt: I love giving a little kid the tongue, and then watching him run to his mother holding the severed tongue I just gave him.
@GinAndJif: Him: I'm really into clean eating. Me: [trying to impress] I almost never eat food I've dropped on the floor.