@vulcan_kelly: My cat rolled on my weed tray and now half my weed is stuck in her fur......Do I smoke my cat?
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@Slims_Ramblings: Confidence should never be confused with arrogance. Arrogance is spelled way differently.
@GetCougarized: Whenever a guy boasts he has a party in his pants, I always ask him to prove it. If he's not packin nachos, beer and M&Ms, I'm going home.
@OhNoSheTwitnt: The sign at this gas station says "turn engine off" so I catcalled my engine and its cute friend from across the street.