@lasergirl70: My cat that died 3 years ago got a letter saying she needs to register if she wants to vote, showing how well Florida handles elections.
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@LeBearGirdle: [invents time machine and goes back to the dinosaurs] "in a few years its gonna be really cold" *hands them mixtape* "you're gone need this"
@phaggots: "Paper or plastic?" Sorry i have a boyfriend "Thats cool, but how should i bag your grocer-" I think we should just be friends
@NicestHippo: You know how sometimes you destroy your house & instead of cleaning you're like "Screw it let's just move?" That's why we're exploring space
@reTICKulous: *pulls out earbud* What? "We need to talk." *pulls out earbud* "You've been spending too much time at Chernobyl." *pulls out earbud* No way