@chi73girl: My cat thinks any questions I ask him are rhetorical.
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@samalmightysam: • You're born. • You grow up. • You believe in Santa. • You stop believing in Santa. • You look like Santa. • You are Santa. • You die.
@ag_loco: Things I haven't seen in a while: 1) the 2yo I'm babysitting today 2) a man 3) my waist-line 4) my imaginary goat, Bill 5) my sanity
@RobDenBleyker: Every fifteen minutes, a teenager crashes his car due to texting and driving. I hope he gives up, because he's obviously not good at it.
@abbycohenwl: I need an aggressive dog-barking sound on my phone, for whenever anyone knocks on the bathroom door when I'm in there