@Tw1tter_K1tten: My cat's name is Isis, so you can imagine my horror when I turned on the news and saw "Isis believed to be allied with Al-Qaeda"
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@TheBeerGuy73: Teens today stuck inside all day long playing video games. In my day, we spent all day outside smoking hash oil & cigarettes with friends.
@AtticusFinch79: *taking training wheels off my old bike* Mom: You're not ready for this. Me: I'm 37, Mom. I've got this. *starts pedaling; hits a tree*