@Tw1tter_K1tten: My cat's name is Isis, so you can imagine my horror when I turned on the news and saw "Isis believed to be allied with Al-Qaeda"
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@DanMentos: me: *installs app that vibrates phone whenever I'm owned online* wife: do you hear bees
@Sandrahadenough: Hubby: This dinner is not gonna make itself!!!!! And that ladies and Gentleman is how I starred on "COPS"
@doctorveritas: "I've got chills. They're multiplying." "Sir, you're going into shock. Please stop narrating--" "And I'm losing control." "Sir!"
@AndyAsAdjective: *takes long drag from cigarette* *stares off into the distance* *slowly glances down at hand* *lights cigarette*