@markleggett: My cat's staring at the wall again. Either she can see ghosts, or she's mulling over past social situations she wishes she'd handled better.
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@iwearaonesie: if you want your wife to take you seriously, don't throw your sippy cup during an argument
@daplusk: [on 1st date] Me: Have you ever flown to Paris on a private jet before? Her: No, I'd love to Me: Same Me: *shows photo of cat* this is Tim
@tastefactory: A funny thing to do would be to text random numbers with "I got the live bees you sent, they'll do nicely"