@markleggett: My cat's staring at the wall again. Either she can see ghosts, or she's mulling over past social situations she wishes she'd handled better.
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@BuckyIsotope: If Sesame Street really cared about children they'd realize Big Bird could feed a hungry family for a month.
@IamEnidColeslaw: I've been a vegetarian for 13 years but if I ever got the chance I would absolutely 100% bite the head off the Geico gecko
@DadandBuried: I'm at my parenting best when I randomly yell out "be careful!" every few minutes without looking up from my phone.