@theshamingofjay: My cell phone battery dies quicker than a mother in a Disney movie
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@Ideal_Victoria: Ok, seriously men... You can't hear yourselves snoring, but the slightest crinkle of a chip bag, and you're suddenly wide awake?!
@MuttCutts: "Lloyd, could you keep your eyes on the road, please?" Oh. Yea. Good thinkin'. Can't be too careful. A lot of bad drivers out there.
@OnlyFastEddie: I stick pins and needles in the people I don't like because can't afford voodoo dolls.
@Sanbel11: Every day I learn something new as a parent. Today I learned I can't sit through my daughter's violin recital without a desire to die.