@fillthevacuum: *gives your eulogy after inhaling helium*

@AimeeHelene1: *builds a fort out of paper towel packages at store* *coerces other customers to bring me cheese samples in exchange for fort privileges*

@StayNobody: What can I get you to drink? "Pepsi" Is Peps- Uh one moment please [In kitchen, to manager] I don't know, he just said Pepsi. What do I do?

@megantwentytwo: "I was on Vine before it was cool." - Tarzan

@GirrlGenius: A book commits suicide every time you watch a reality show.