@drunktweets81: My chair at work is really uncomfortable. I wonder if a stool softener will work.
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@brianbowman73: I was once put in the 'friend zone," but with perseverance that all changed. I'm now in the 'must stay 200 yards away at all times zone.'
@DaddyJew: [on the phone with an ex while violently twisting and stabbing a voodoo doll] Are you sure you're ok?