@drunktweets81: My chair at work is really uncomfortable. I wonder if a stool softener will work.
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@AlexRogaski: The difference between running and jogging is that runners compete in races and joggers find dead bodies on Law and Order
@GingerHotDish: Maced a hobo who started pulling cables out of my computer at work. Turned out to be the hipster IT guy and now I'm in HR again.
@EndhooS: "Come on now, I'm sure that Megatron isn't such a bad guy when you get to know him..." - Optimist Prime.