@joe_binkley: My childhood has prepared me for a lot more bear-related pic-a-nic-basket thefts than I'm currently experiencing.
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@PaperWash: 6'5" guy: [starts a fight with me at the bar] me: [hides behind GF] GF: HEY, WHAT THE F- me: look, we need more strong female lead char-
@LetMeStart: Two little monkeys Jumping on the bed One fell off and Bumped his head EXACTLY HOW THEIR MOM SAID SOMEONE WOULD BUT NO ONE LISTENS TO HER.
@Smuirf: Mexican jokes and black jokes are pretty much the same. Once you hear Juan you've heard Jamal.
@davidkenny100: Pal: my advice for your date is, make her think you're well travelled, girls love it! Later Me: Guess how many buses it took me to get here