@KentWGraham: My children are the reason hurricanes are named after humans.
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@click4amanda: Officer: "Do you know why I'm standing here?" Me: "You got all C's in High School?"
@Rollmaninoz: HAMLET:*Draws sword* How now! a rat?? *stabs curtain* LORD POLONIUS: O, I am slain! This is the w’rst game of hideth and seeketh ev’r *dies*
@NYC_Blonde: Rihanna knows that diamonds are buried in volcanic rocks and those beautiful things in the sky are just hot balls of gas, right?
@sofarrsogud: My son is happy I'm staying off twitter until he goes to bed so as to spend more time with him. He is not happy with his new 6pm bedtime