@burntmybagel: My chiropractor told me I have to stop using air quotes when I call him "doctor."
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@NerishaLakha: I walk around like everything is fine, but deep down...... inside my shoe, my sock is sliding off.
@bridger_w: I eat the first half of a burrito to get full, I eat the second half to teach myself a lesson
@Book_Krazy: "What's that?" A divorce jar. Every time we fight you put a dollar in and I'm a little bit closer to freedom. *puts in dollar* "WTH!?!"
@_iamalik: The purpose of Terrorism is to scare and make people feel unsafe, which is something it has in common with Cable News.