@burntmybagel: My chiropractor told me I have to stop using air quotes when I call him "doctor."
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@aparnapkin: What is it like to be a woman in comedy? I would say it's 1% jokes & 99% answering this question.
@shutupmikeginn: "Are you already hot as shit? Then you'll look hot as shit in our glasses" - Every glasses ad
@SteelFontana: If you really loved your kids, you would teach them to say their alphabet forwards AND backwards. They'll thank you later.