@burntmybagel: My chiropractor told me I have to stop using air quotes when I call him "doctor."
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@TheBoydP: All I’m saying is when I’m drunk in the backyard I still put my shirt on just like everyone else, one leg at a time...
@TEXASVETERAN: I just swallowed my record player's needle and nothing's happened to me, nothing's happened to me, nothing's happened to me, nothing's happe
@matt_simpson84: The best thing about Facebook is learning about all the 19-year-olds that miss the 80s.