@burntmybagel: My chiropractor told me I have to stop using air quotes when I call him "doctor."
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@hythemafia: Man goes to a Doctor. "Every time I attempt to pass water it hurts" "Does it burn?" "I don't know, I've never tried to set fire to it"
@punmagnate: Accidentally made eye contact w/co-worker thru bathroom stall door crack. Didn't know what to do so I blew him a kiss
@_SetTheHook_: Just looked in my 8 yr old son's bedroom and I'm pretty sure it can't be ruled out that the Malaysian jet may be in there somewhere.