@burntmybagel: My chiropractor told me I have to stop using air quotes when I call him "doctor."
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@JRobb773: Life is full of lovely, unexpected surprises, like watching two pigeons attack this guy on the street for no reason.
@dankashane20: I want to get a medical bracelet that says, "Shy" so I can I just hold it up during social situations.
@Playing_Dad: Wife: My friend's turkey died. She's really sad. I want to bring her something. What can I get her? Me: How about some gravy?