@Donna_McCoy: My Christmas shopping will be financed by my swear jar again this year.
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@KeetPotato: wife: [crying] "he always calls me weird pet names" therapist: "what do you mean?" me: [arriving late] "what's wrong my little hovercraft?"
@KalvinMacleod: DOG BOSS: ur fired ME: wait, is there any way you'll reconsider? DOG BOSS: no ME: u want to go for a ride in the car DOG BOSS: *tilts head*