@Dpressedspartan: My class teacher once said "Write and Practice." Turns out she was right. I practiced on my desk just before I started my exam and it worked
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@JustDontBugMe: Me: My room is in shambles. Where do I start cleaning!? *5mins later* Me: I need a new room.
@OhNoSheTwitnt: Coworker: What are those chocolate coins you guys get on Hanukkah called? Me: Gelt. Coworker: Guilt? Me: No, Jews get that all year round.
@daemonic3: JUMPER ON BRIDGE: Stay back, I just want to end it all GOOD COP: Please, you don't have to do this CAT COP: *slowly pushes him off bridge*