@Parkerlawyer: My client's (soon to be ex) wife just flipped me off in the courthouse parking lot, so yeah, I'm obviously doing my job right.
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@Piecezilla: Putting a bell around a cow's neck to circumvent its stealthiness is just wrong. I say let them hunt.
@buhsbaby_baby: Relationship Status: just tried to reach for my dog's paw and he pulled it away so I pretended I was reaching for the remote.
@XplodingUnicorn: Me: Go to bed 5-year-old: One more question Me: Fine 5: Who would win if Luke Skywalker fought Harry Potter? Me 5: Me: Get some coffee
@AnkCoupleTO: [3 guys corner me in an alley] 3G: Bet you're scared Me: *shows them my wife's credit card bills* 3G: *hand over their wallets* holy shit