@dlsims01: My co worker is so mad at me right now her eyes are bulging out like a pug. I don't know wether to call 911 or scratch her behind the ears.
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@ShortSleeveSuit: Basic white girl [laughing]: Yasssss omg I'm dying! Takes Everything Literally Todd [shocks her with a defibrillator]: NOT ON MY WATCH!
@Marlebean: I need a thingy to fix the thingy because the thingy came loose and the thingy is wiggly now. Do you sell those? -Me, at Home Depot
@TheTweetOfGod: I am the King of the Universe and I have a son and he occasionally appears on grilled-cheese sandwiches. #yup