@DiamondLou69: My co-worker was accused of flipping off the boss. I told HR that it couldn't have been him because he never lifts a finger to do anything.
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@Prof_Hinkley: [emailing eHarmony match] Her: describe yourself Me: brown hair, kinda stalky Her: lol you mean stocky Me [through her bedroom window]: No
@JanieBoBanie3: I see your eyes lookin me up and down, baby. Mhmm. Huh? Toilet paper hangin out of my pants? Oh.
@LuvPug: If Zombies ever switch to eating souls, I'll have the last laugh on everyone whoever made fun of me for being a Ginger