@SortaBad: My college girlfriend texted me for the first time in 10 years this weekend and I'm 1 million percent sure this is Adele's fault
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@TheToddWilliams: "As first lady you would be responsible for the White House china. Any thoughts?" MELANIA TRUMP: Oh, Donald says he's getting rid of China
@TheTweetOfGod: The question is not "Why is Instagram not working?", but "Why does the world need another picture of you?" #instagramnotworking
@Douchekevin: A cash bar on parent / teacher interview nights would be a great fundraiser for schools.