@causticbob: My computer crashed and now all the other computers have slowed down so they can see what's happening.
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@slimmy_shady: My gf told me that I punched her in the face while I was sleeping last night. I apologized because I totally remember being awake for that.
@Brianhopecomedy: How my 7 year old plays board games: Rolls a 6. Counts to 6. Moves his piece wherever he wants.
@0point5twins: - Fred, Velma, Shaggy... Can you name one of the 'Big 5' African animals? - Rhino - We know you do, Scooby, but it's not your team's turn
@TheRolo: And on the 8th day, God almost created Lionel Richie but was all like "Naw, I'll just hold off a few thousand years then one day HELLO!"