@causticbob: My computer crashed and now all the other computers have slowed down so they can see what's happening.
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@salamingia: "Google, how long will my trip to Cleveland take? "Your trip will take 5 hours" "Google, I have a child. "Your trip will take 9 hours".
@topaz_kell: [taking a picture] Me: "Make love to the camera!" Grandma: "Don't make this weird, dear."
@Dawn_M_: I thought this waitress was in love with me but then right in front of my eyes she started to bring other people food.