@CornerPubRon: My computer is frozen. Unfortunately it looks like moving my mouse around in circles did absolutely nothing to fix the problem.
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@BazarComedy: Roommate stood in line at midnight to get the new Grand Theft Auto. While he was waiting, someone stole his car. Irony is the best game!
@mattZillaaaa: Today is a new day. Be thankful. Do something nice for yourself. Call someone you haven't spoken to in a while. Run with a pair of scissors
@philefanaddict: The babysitter wanted $25.00 an hour this weekend, so I just bought my kid an iPad instead.
@Breadery: *Sat talking to a girl at a bar* Brain: Compliment her perfume, nicely. Me: I AM SMELLING YOU Brain: Why do you hate me?