@jimmyfallon: My cousin told everyone he could do a backflip. We all gathered around him. He said, “I can’t do it if you’re watching.” #MyFamilyIsWeird
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@markedly: [talking with ex] Me: Is he more boring than me? Her: He is. Me: *devastated* How could you?
@glenyrd: I'm so glad we could finally reconnect after all these years because I'd really like your help on my virtual farm.
@JennyPentland: "When you fall in love it burns and you die, right?" Yes, son. Love is terrible. "No Mom, I said LAVA." Oh. You maybe can survive that one.
@3sunzzz: My therapist encouraged me to stop bending over backwards for people. But just between us, I really miss yoga.