@AmazingPhil: My cousins baby child keeps pointing at me and saying 'cat'
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@RidiculousSheri: My life is like a movie where two soulmates meet in line at the grocery store, except I'm the woman behind them buying tampons and cat food.
@LoveNLunchmeat: Once I read this story abt a meth addict, she'd vacuum her whole house daily, even the walls, and that alone was enough to keep me off meth.
@LostCatDog: Ladies call me "the turkey sandwich" because I seem bland and boring at first, but then I continue to be boring.
@shkeeber: Friend: What happened? 15yo me: *arm in a sling* Got hit by 2 buses. Friend: What happened? 37yo me: *in a full body cast* I sneezed weird.