@PaperWash: My cover letter is just a picture of me in a sleeveless turtleneck karate chopping the word 'unemployment'.
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@ChrisThayerSays: I bought quick oats and two days later my roommate showed up with instant oats. I will not be humiliated; I must find an even sooner oat.
@wescraw: The truth will set you free. Unless the truth is you committed murder. In which, the truth will get you 25 to life.
@PorkUrPine: Me: *delivers fantastic presentation* Fish Boss: great work! Me: thanks for letting MINNOW what you think! Fish Boss: you're fired.