@TalibJim: ME: bae, you wanna go out? HER: hell yeah 😊 ME: ok pliz close the door on your way out I need to play FIFA alone.

@decentbirthday: [2025] student: can i go to the bathroom teacher: *slams revolver on desk* i don't know, can you

@ShoutingGoddess: I see your choices and raise you one eyebrow.

@knot_eye: This bottle of vodka was on sale. So yes, I will party like it's $19.99.

@Ideal_Victoria: Shhhhh! I can't hear about how God spoke to you! I'm busy listening to my toaster tell me about his day.