@OhNoSheTwitnt: My coworker has inspirational quotes up in her cubicle and one of them says "choose your destiny" so I guess she plays Mortal Kombat too.
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@bugbucket: my dads complaining that i ate all his pills but I'M complaining that he's a giant melting prism of pure energy thats turning into a dragon
@jwoodham: The iPhone 6 looks pretty cool, but it still lets people leave voicemails, so they apparently haven't worked out all the bugs yet.
@MartaEffing: My date cancelled; said he had an emergency. I just saw him at the market buying cereal and I thought, 'I agree with his priorities.'