@CakeThrottle: My coworker is pregnant and they passed a card around and I didn't know what to write so I just put HAVE A GOOD BABY TANYA
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@thesulk: My stomach just made the sound of a 68-year-old Long Island woman seeing her granddaughter for the first time.
@Underchilde: Stop, drop and roll if your clothes are on fire or if you spot your ex under the mistletoe.
@BadJordon: Wearing my bathing suit as underwear in case a random pool party breaks out sounds way better than too lazy to do laundry.
@whippedjelli: if you wear a bikini instead of a bra you can go out with wet hair & people will just think you've been swimming which is athletic not lazy