@hazelmotes1: My coworker left my office an hour ago, but the smell of his cologne remains, like some kind of douchbag ghost.
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@Sickayduh: Lawyer: The defense rests Judge: Counselor, your rebuttal? Lawyer: HAHAHA that sounded like "you're a butthole" Judge: LOLOLOL #Buttle
@JessicaVarsity: I've watched three episodes of "I Shouldn't Be Alive" tonight, adding "outdoor enthusiast and survival expert" to my online dating profile.
@phaggots: *about to rob a bank* "Okay, lets do this. Everybody, grab a gun" i dont need one "why not" i already have two *kisses biceps*