@CakeThrottle: My coworkers and I do this fun thing where they say 'It's so cold out!' and I say 'It's winter' and then we silently hate each other.
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@QwertyJones3: Kid: Daddy can I give some of my candy to that duck? Me: No, ducks only eat things they find in nature, like bread.
@thetigersez: Literally nothing gives me more anxiety than when someone asks me what I like to do for fun.
@envydatropic: How long before your caterpillars will turn into butterflies? Me looking at your eyebrows