@CakeThrottle: My coworkers and I do this fun thing where they say 'It's so cold out!' and I say 'It's winter' and then we silently hate each other.
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@OhNoSheTwitnt: Me: Can't wait to sit on my front porch with my black cat and frighten children. Coworker: I love Halloween. Me: I meant after work today.
@WheelTod: The odds of being killed by a shark are 1 in 3,748,067. So if you know 3,748,066 people who haven't been killed by a shark: avoid the ocean.
@Tups13: Would the Government cope in a zombie apocalypse? Vacant, horrible, disoriented people stumbling around without purpose. Plus the zombies.
@samuelhlowe: Asked my Ouija board if I was getting laid tonight & the pointer keeps gliding back & forth between the H & the A. It's been over an hour.