@Donna_McCoy: My coworkers have such cute nicknames for me, like "The one who eats all the donuts" and "Don't tell her there's pizza in the kitchen".
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@XplodingUnicorn: Me: What are you doing?! 5-year-old: Hugging my sister. Me: Hugs don't start with a flying tackle. 5: Me: 5: The good ones do.
@SatansTongue: *Sleeping Beauty gives rotten apple to Obama* *Obama faints* Only a kiss from his one true love will save him *Biden takes out lipstick*
@thisis_thatguy: I just heard an add on the radio stressing the importance of healthy muscles and it inspired me to bend my elbows more while eating cake.
@cbdoubleu: Wife: I lost my day planner. Me: Not in your briefcase? W: No. I looked EVERYWHERE. M: Well it looks like you've got a hidden agenda W: