@LosLos__: My coworkers think I'm always busy but I'm really just trying to remember my password.
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@CulturedRuffian: [INTERVIEW] HR: What are your strengths? Me:*pulls out & eats an entire pizza* HR: Wow-Weaknesses? Me:*pulls out & eats an entire pizza*
@TheCatWhisprer: [cats at shelter] Where's Frank? "Got adopted 3 weeks ago. Gone soft too. Healthcare plan. Hypoallergenic blanket. Goes by Mr. Boots now."
@RaineyKnight666: Relax lady, you can quit giving me dirty looks. I don't want my own husband, so I sure as hell don't want yours.
@SirEviscerate: *uses blood from wounds to write my killer's name on the floor* I...will be...avenged. NO! BAD DOG! DON'T LICK THAT! DADDY NEEDS JUSTICE!