@iAmJuddy: My coworkers think it's funny they have power & I don't. I think it's funny how they won't get home to enjoy it cuz their tires are slashed.
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@TheMichaelRock: You think 70 degrees yesterday and snow today is funny, Mother Nature? *empties 326 cans of hairspray outside* Knock that shit off!
@SwedishCanary: I've requested to be buried in a spring loaded casket filled with confetti so that a future archeologist will have one awesome day at work.
@mikeleffingwell: Every boy band song should have a part where they realize they're singing about the same girl & get mad at each other.