@ilovepie84: My crazy neighbor claims she was robbed last night. I know she is crazy because I found all her medication as I was breaking into her house.
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@DonovanConvery: If I had the power to time travel, I would mostly just use it to stop past me from eating stuff from the fridge that I'd like to eat now.
@Rlpihl: [raises hand in math class] HOW DO PEOPLE WHO WORK AT THE SPAM CORPORATION KNOW WHEN THEY'RE GETTING UNSOLICITED EMAIL?
@yoyoha: How long does Netflix have to be down before they send someone to your house to stroke your hair & tell you everything's going to be alright
@ShoutingGoddess: One day we'll open Twitter & it'll just say: Thanks for playing! Hope you enjoyed this social experiment. Now apologise to your loved ones.