@ilovepie84: My crazy neighbor claims she was robbed last night. I know she is crazy because I found all her medication as I was breaking into her house.
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@IamEnidColeslaw: There is a dude in a fedora sitting next to you on the bus. Is he: A. a ghost hunter B. a virgin C. a sword collector D. all of the above
@rickolantern: I wish there was something called the pizza/enchilada/beer diet where you lost weight. Cause I'm on it and that's not what's happening.
@joeldanger: Dear Satan, God never healed my dyslexia so I'm looking for new religion. Please send some pamphlets. And tell Rudolph hey. Love, Me