@ilovepie84: My crazy neighbor claims she was robbed last night. I know she is crazy because I found all her medication as I was breaking into her house.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@amydillon: Not sure if I should be more concerned about the son who locked me out of my bedroom today, or the one who showed me how to pick the lock.
@Smooheed: "Taking a perfect selfie is just a matter of perfect lighting and applying the right filter" *puts sheet over head* *turns off light*
@ericsshadow: If you stand next to a fatter person you look better. That's why I work at Burger King.
@VodkaShorebird: The Dalai Lama and Gandhi aren't the same? I thought they were basically Miley Cyrus/Hannah Montana. I feel like people are messing with me.