@mattZillaaaa: My credit card company sent me a final notice bill. Good, I was tired of hearing from them
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@krissywillbretz: *drops acid* *picks up acid* *drops acid* *picks up acid* *drops acid* *picks up acid* *drops acid* *checks for abs, finds a clown
@CroweJam: My wife's favorite position is the one where I lie very still wearing nothing but a toe tag and she starts dating again.
@Mikecanrant: Its weird that goldfish will eat other goldfish but wont eat goldfish crackers. Life sure is complicated sometimes.
@KimmyMonte: Hockey is a sport where people use feet knives to walk so they can score a goal with a tiny hamburger.