@mattZillaaaa: My credit card company sent me a final notice bill. Good, I was tired of hearing from them
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@yonewt: Sometimes I get flustered by waitresses and I say things like "Abso-fruit-ly!" and they laugh like I'm so clever but we both know
@baaabs_29: I remember when I used to play hard to get.. now I'm like hi i love you, ring size 4.5, my uterus is healthy, please marry me.
@WoodyLuvsCoffee: Dance like nobody's watching. Do the dishes like nobody's watching. Change into that robe like nobody's watching. No, the other one.