@ahoytheboat: my criminal record is only clean because of how fast i can run with my pants around my ankles.
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@RobotThomas: Roses are black Violets are black It's late at night I didn't pay the electric bill.
@Dr_awfulpants: [Water cooler] -Looks like you had a wild weekend! How'd you get the scratches? *flash back to me bathing my cat* -Uh, this chick bro. Yeah.
@ktmcburr: I wonder if giraffes can eat so much their stomach explodes bc they just don't know it right away cuz it's in their neck for so long. What.