@ISOremarkable: my dad didn't let me date untill i was pregnant...
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@justabloodygame: [throwing a party] I invited Judas. That okay? "Judas from IT, or the guy who betrayed Jesu-" *loud knock* "It's the Roman legion. Open up!"
@shariv67: Most women desire someone who makes them laugh and also feel safe, so basically a clown ninja.
@LurkAtHomeMom: 6yo: please please please??? Me: fine. Just give me 5 minutes. [40 minutes later] 6yo: has it been 5 minutes? Me: no.
@iGreenMonk: I'm the kind of friend who will help you hide a dead body, but if you betray me, just remember: I know how to hide a dead body.