@jitka: My dad had a good idea. Sometimes when cars drive by your house they honk at you. But you can't respond. That's where House Horn comes in
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@JessicaVarsity: Felony Insurance, like car insurance but for when you hate someone so much you just have to throw a cinder block through their windshield.
@WheelTod: [Couples' Counselling] Her: If he doesn't stop talking in corporate cliches I'm leaving him Me (in tears): Please don't downsize our unit!
@ShortSleeveSuit: [blind date] Me: Oooh here she comes. Ok fella act cool. YOU GOT THIS Her: Hi, I’m Linda Me: *nose-whistles Despacito in its entirety*