@Underchilde: My dad hasn’t uncrossed his arms since I was born.
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@BadJordon: I'm just a boy, standing in front of the toilet paper aisle, trying to decide whether I want to wipe with a pillow, a cloud, or a kitten.
@NJFreudian: Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the town Not a creature was Tweeting, cause favstar was down.
@TheHyyyype: My wife always tells me not to take things personally, so I hired a guy to do it for me. He already stole a bike.
@SondraDeeMe: If you're over the age of 5, and are trying to be cute by saying: sorry as: sowee - I will kick you in your pwivates.