@andrybd: My dad just asked me if Nicki Minaj is claymation. Didn't have an answer.
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@MrSpoonicorn: *cop slams bag of weed down on table* "EXPLAIN." "its not mine officer i swea- "oh quit the crap Bulbasaur we know you're the grass type"
@sssh_squirrel: I'm going to just start biting the faces of people that stand too close during a conversation.
@ShittyComedian: Anytime I'm using a stall in a public restroom and someone knocks on the door, I always say, "Did you bring the lube?" As loud as possible.
@ilovepie84: A Cobra wanted to fight me but I challenged him to a thumb war and he slitthered away embarrassed.