@citizenkawala: Married With Children is a hilarious sitcom until you’re 35 and realise it’s a chilling documentary.

@mydanimarie: FRIENDSHIP TIP: stick your head under the bathroom stalls and introduce yourself! You never know where you'll find your soulmate

@flashember: GUY WHO JUST LOVES SHARKS: Can I pet the sharks? SHARK HANDLER (who sometimes makes bad decisions): Yeah that should be ok

@704919828: Apparently googling "how to get suspended with pay" from my work computer is frowned on by my employer.

@dshack8: Attention fat vegans: Explain.