@KatieKatCubs: My dad just called because he was thinking of me & loves me. And THAT'S why I never danced on a pole. Well, that and I got too dizzy.
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@Sam_Alan33: MARRIAGE PROPOSAL TIP: Get down on 1 knee. Ok, now the other. Great! Lie flat on your face. Quickly roll away don't get married you idiot.
@weinerdog4life: Welcome to Bed Bath & Beyond, here's your gun, shoot anything that comes out of the Beyond
@Sean_Burgundy_: People usually stop coming over to your house when you greet them with "Make yourself at home, BUT WHATEVER YOU DO DON'T OPEN THE FREEZER."