@aveuaskew: My dad only says I love you on special occasions like birthdays, holidays, and competency hearings.
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@maisonwithapen: *shitting pants, crying, missing my shoe* yoga instructor: you need to leave me: oh is this not child's pose?
@david8hughes: "Marines!" "SIR, YES SIR!" "Get ready to deploy at 05:00 sharp--HUGHES WHERE IN THE SHIT ARE YOU GOING!?" "That's too early I quit."
@gerryhallcomedy: My kids don't believe that before video games, we used to have to go out and buy a hedgehog, paint it blue, then give it cocaine.
@Dawn_M_: I wrote "except zombies" on my welcome mat so I know I'll be safe during a zombie apocalypse.