@OhNoSheTwitnt: My dad said he couldn't get into Game of Thrones because he doesn't like fantasy so I asked him when he was going to stop watching Fox News.
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@defdanielle: there are naturally attractive people and then there are people like me who take pictures from good angles with the right lighting
@RobDenBleyker: Wait, you didn't let me finish. What I was trying to say is Hitler was largely misunderstood by people who don't speak German.
@hippieswordfish: ANIMAL CONTROL: what the hell were you thinking ME: releasing birds at a wedding is romantic ANIMAL CONTROL: you released ostriches
@_NTFG_: DOCTOR: Are you sexually active? ME: Depends on what you mean by active. There are plenty of active volcanos that haven't gone off in years