@NotARatsAss: My dad will walk across the living room with a bowl of soup to the brim, shoelaces untied, because history has taught him nothing.
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@Donna_McCoy: The seance was ruined when everyone realized that the only spirit speaking through me was vodka.
@beefman138: I will never refer to 'drunk me' or 'sober me' because that implies the second one exists.
@KalvinMacleod: BRAIN: it's 4am u up? ME: leave me alone B: who was our grade 5 teacher? M: stop B: why's our eye itchy? M: I'm ignoring u B: engage bladder