@NotARatsAss: My dad will walk across the living room with a bowl of soup to the brim, shoelaces untied, because history has taught him nothing.
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@dafloydsta: WIFE: You promised you'd take the dog out. ME: Okay, fine. [later] DOG: This is a really nice place. ME: *looking up from menu* What are you gonna have?
@charliedelta7: 7: I'm beating you! Me: Ok. 7: I'm way ahead! Me: I see that. 7: I'm gonna win! Me:.... My son on the carousel horse in front of me.