@JediGigi: My Daddy taught me to lick it before I stick it- I say to the judges as I hang a spit covered spoon from my nose.
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@SloanPerry: when you push a pull door and the person behind says "you need to pull" aye cheers lad sure next plan was to start lifting from the bottom
@TheBoydP: Brain cancer from cell phones is no longer considered a risk because who holds their phone up to their head anymore?
@EJGomez: [slams on the brakes] WHAT DO YOU MEAN LINDSAY LOHAN PLAYED BOTH TWINS IN THE PARENT TRAP
@iGreenMonk: I got caught peeing in the local swimming pool today. The lifeguard shouted at me so loudly, I nearly fell in.