@thepatrickwalsh: My dad's visiting soon, which means I need to practice apologizing to waiters with my eyes.
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@ericsshadow: [talking to son on the phone] "I ran away 3 weeks. You never called the police" I'm sorry. We've been very busy with the holidays and all.
@novicefather: My toddler is learning to speak so I'm trying to teach him some phrases for social success. Things like "true dat" and "pass the gravy."
@TheTweetOfGod: Attention crazy man on the subway: this is God. Please start telling everyone else in the car what I'm saying to you.