@hello_saylor: My daily affirmation before work goes something like this: "I enjoy receiving a paycheck."
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@ItsAndyRyan: Russian computer: "Enter password" Me: "Beef stew" Russian computer: "Password not stroganoff"
@Rick_IZ: People who lick their fingers then page through the papers on the printer Just throw it out. I'll print it again.
@ibid78: "Sir your résumé says you can read minds." "Yup. And you're thinking 'Why would he put that on a résumé?'" "Oh. My. God. You're hired."
@OfficeofSteve: Whenever the wife asks what I'm eating. I chew faster like a dog and refuse to open my mouth