@hello_saylor: My daily affirmation before work goes something like this: "I enjoy receiving a paycheck."
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@theshamingofjay: I was going to get a tattoo but then I realized I'm 34 and I'm still not sure if I like tomatoes.
@AndyAsAdjective: Just said "No you can't have an apple because you'll spoil the pizza that's being delivered very soon." I shouldn't be allowed to parent.