@DaveWeasel: My dance moves are so white Charlie Sheen tried to snort them.
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@cjwerleman: When Obama declared war on Ebola, an executive producer at Fox News tried to find it on google maps.
@maxpalumbo5: When my youngest brother was little he was being bullied and went to my parents for help. They told him “Sticks and stones may break my bones” they then asked him to finish the phrase and he said “but chains and whips excite me” he seriously thought that was he second part.
@ericacanrant: You know its my phone if it looks like someone fingerpainted the touch screen in donut glaze.
@thejamietighe: Tried cleaning the house to the A-Team theme and ended up building a tank. So close.