@Tmoney68: My dancing style can best be described as "Guy On Maury Who Just Found Out He Isn't The Father."
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@KalvinMacleod: ME: I wish I was a little bit taller GENIE: done M: I wish I was a baller G: done M: I wish I knew the rest of the lyrics G: done M: dammit
@WhaJoTalkinBout: Deli counter guy told me bad things happen in 3's after he dropped his phone and bumped his head, so I complained about him to management.
@InternetHippo: me: this MAN thinks he's ENTITLED to my time! hey buddy i don't OWE you anything!! my boss: do you…know how jobs work
@bea_ker: [with father in law] "You know how to pluck a goose, son?" Er yes sir, sure do *stretches goose's neck and plays it like a double bass*