@myonlymizztake: My date didn't go as planned and now I don't know what to do with this kiddie pool full of nacho cheese.
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@sarcasticmommy4: My teen was complaining he had no clean clothes so I asked him what he thought he should do: "Uh, go buy new clothes?" Have kids. It's fun.
@UncleDuke1969: “You gotta try the lobs-” - I’ll should tell you… “Yes?” - We’re not having sex. “OK.” - What were you saying? “The chicken here’s great.”
@shawn_spree: My son does this cute thing where he installs games on my phone and then for weeks I get notifications that my village is under attack.