@myonlymizztake: My date didn't go as planned and now I don't know what to do with this kiddie pool full of nacho cheese.
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@kentgrossarth: Her: 'Do I look, like, fat?' Brain: no,no,no,no Brain: Of course not. Brain: Say SOMETHING Mouth: 'Like a fat what?' Brain: Oh dear God
@BestScienceJoke: 2night's funniest bit: a fellow comic enters the room &, given a choice between talking w/ me & w/ a homeless man, chooses the homeless man.