@IamEnidColeslaw: my date is in 2 hours, which means I have very little time to fix my glasses and fix my bangs and get a career and lose 50 pounds
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@MikeOdenthal: The best writerly advice is to start each paragraph w "Here's somethin for ya!" as the reader is now engaged & will follow you anywhere
@noog: *flips over table* *table flips back up* Table: You got a problem? Me: DO YOU? Table: ... Me: HUH? Table: ... Me: I SAID DO WE HA- Table: No
@mattytalks: Yes officer, the person who robbed me was a woman 25-30, at least 5'9, a brunette and definitely single. Can you arrange a line up please
@EyeSeeYou619: I do a spot-on impersonation of Linda Blair in The Exorcist whenever a drive-thru cashier asks me to pull ahead bc my order isn't ready.