@FirstDateStory: "My date took me to a nice restaurant. Our server leaned in to me and said, "You're the third one this week"
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@handokotjung: How to be happier: 1. Exercise 2. Lift weight 3. When you've become stronger due to those exercises, smack the person who made you unhappy.
@feelmesucka: Unless you and your family were attacked by Bigfoot, then no, I don't want to see your camping pictures.
@liliths_lair: The real reason women will never be the ones to propose: As soon as she gets on her knees, he will start unzipping his pants.
@CraigBanksArt: Dear #Athiests Evolution could never design and create a machine that consumes scraps and produces bacon