@iGreenMonk: This guy told me that playing the voilin is the best way to calm you down. I bet he never tried smashing it over someone's head.

@Sickayduh: ME: Too much turkey makes me so tired HER: Actually, it makes you sleepy, not tired ME: I'm getting real sleepy of your shit, Debra

@DiscoFruit: me: *lights cig* do u smoke? girl: no, cigarettes killed my father me: oh, cancer..? her: no, an army of them, gunned him down me: wait what

@OneFunnyMummy: Eventually every parent reaches the it's a good thing they're so cute stage.

@Bearslietoo: A fun thing to do is to tell a complete stranger that you met your boyfriend on Twitter and then show them a cat.