@IamEveryDayPpl: My daughter, a hair stylist, has a tiny pair of scissors tattooed behind her ear with tiny red teardrops for clients she accidently stabbed.
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@OhNoSheTwitnt: My desires are... unconventional. (Hands you a phone and makes you call my boss and quit my job for me)
@AlexvanBeek: When someone tells me how old their kid is in months, I ask them to rephrase it in days, so they know what I just went through.
@Reverend_Scott: "Can I take your order?" Wait, take it where? "No, not-" I haven't even given you my order yet "I mean-" WHERE ARE YOU TAKING MY ORDER